Archive by Author
Why it’s Better to be a Guy
Posted on 05. Dec, 2008 by Laughitout.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be President.
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
- People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Continue Reading
Lawyer FAQs
Posted on 05. Dec, 2008 by Laughitout.
Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: A party.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, “Fees!”
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
Continue Reading
Need Evidence ?
Posted on 05. Dec, 2008 by Laughitout.
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said
“you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog”,
so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said
“you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat”,
so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
Continue Reading
-
Enlargement: I am amazed with it. It is a good thing for my res...
-
Russell: If only human emotion was as tangible, and as sinc...
-
Ashlehh: omg. xDD Wow....
-
hernando: love is a tragedy!...
-
WCreevy: There are always limits....
